MLEWISREDFORD
calculated perpetual and relentless naïveté …
I think I am finding that my writing is my autobiography without me fully realising or intending it (what else could it be about?). More, I find that my writing creates my life; not ex nihilo – that would be impossibly omnipotent – but that it is a re-breathing (contemporary and historical, objective and subjective) that makes life come to life (the appearence of some reds, some odd yellows, some draped greens in 'Pleasantville'). My writing anchors in the outer world but I am realising (like dry rot) that the outer world is the mind – my mind. So writing is the outer world in my mind - my outer world. But then when you read my writing (and thank you for doing so - even if you don't like it you still had to react to reading it) an alchemy will take place: my (outer) world and your (inner) reading will recognise each other, maybe shake hands, they might even hold a conversation. So my writing is everything that is: in and about me and me in my world and your life. Which sounds a bit creepy and needy, but it is not you personally so much as you wholly: me in my world (sounding more and more tautological) informing you and your world like Venn diagrams - like the universe expanding.
The collection of my writing in this blog is like a huge, messy mandala. Mandalas are maps of the world of the mind with which to find the center. In reflecting on the mind with my world I am wanderingly finding my way to a centre which ever widens and expands as I get near to it. I am finding that the center is the journey to the circumference. It is wonderful to have found a way to publish in the 'outer' world which is almost as easy and natural as breathing (which makes the internet like air, I suppose). Having scribbled and sketched, scattered and cast all over the ground, for so many years it is gratifying to find a medium (posting) which similarly haphazardly presents them in a nice tidy stack. But, cunning part about all this, there are tags and categories which suggest themes and patterns (fibres and ligaments), and then also pages which could become anatomy charts! Or maps!!! You could surf the tags or follow the map! Across the globe! The more you find the horizon (a center - my world, 'how do you do') the more you'll travel in your world which isn't 'ours' anymore! I am reminded of what Einstein is reported to have said, that if you could see infinitely in a straight line you would see the back of your own head. I would quip that if you could read infinitely (not 'everything') you would think your own thoughts. And in thinking your own thoughts you would find your own mind. But in finding your own mind you would also find that it isn't just yours. As you had thought. Hey ho.
